Mario VS Bomberman
Mario VS Bomberman is a What-If Death Battle by Wither, and the fourth episode of his first season after the reboot. It pits Mario and Bomberman from their eponymous franchises against each other. 'Description' Super Mario VS Bomberman! Battles between 80's 'n' 90's mascots are always fun to see. And we all know fire 'n bombs give a big BOOM! Special thing? There happen to be two power-up utilizing game heroes who use just those things! Will Mario do it? Or, horrible quote puns aside, will Bomberman blast Mario past the city limits? 'Interlude' Boomstick: Platformers... Wiz: Generally agreed by many to be the greatest type o' video game. Even though they're a very close third behind early access survival games and shooters nowadays, in terms of popularity. Boomstick: Remember, the good ol' 80's and 90's? Those times when shooters and early access survival games weren't the only types of games made in all of existence? Those times, most people chose to make sport games, or, far more importantly... PLATFORMERS. Wiz: There are tons of lovable mascots to choose from... and mascots you hope will get hit by a car... ahem... Bubsy, 'nuff said. Boomstick: Today, we'll take two of the most popular eponymous title characters slash mascots of the Golden Age of Video Games. Super Mario, the guy who was so pissed he lost to that pesky blue hedgehog, he said, "Death? Fuck it, no one kills the legend of platforming." And boom, he hoistered himself out of the video game wastelands to fight... Wiz: ...The White Bomberman, the legendary white bomber with the largest explosive arsenal known to mankind. Oh, and by the way, throw all of your copies of Act Zero out of the window and burn them with your friendly neighborhood flamethrower, because it's best no one gets to see that piece of cow poop. Spare humanity of having their childhoods ruined. Boomstick: He's Wiz and I'm Boomstick. Wiz: And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skill to see who would win... Boomstick: A DEATH BATTLE. 'Mario' Boomstick: Hey, Wiz! I got a leak in my washtub! Wiz: So what? Boomstick: Who you gonna call? MARIO! Wiz: ...Boomstick, this is about Mario, not Ghostbusters. Boomstick: But I just like it so mu-''' (Wiz kicks Boomstick in the "manly parts") '''Boomstick: AAAAAAAAUGHGJFGSFH! JESUS FUCK, what was that needed for?! Wiz: That should clear it up. Anyways, if you don't know Mario, you're really living under a rock, aren't ya? Boomstick: Ow. Anyways, Mario has a literal fuckload of jobs! He's carpenter, woodworker, carpet man, plumber, doctor, referee, and, most important of all, hero of the Mushroom Kingdom! Wiz: Jobs isn't the only thing Mario has a fuckload of. Boomstick: Yeah, we haven't even begun 'bout the power-ups and weapons he uses to clobber dat dere tortoise fatso! ''' Wiz: His most famous power-up is the Fire Flower. This allows him to throw fireballs. Later on, it's even gave him Pyrokinetic powers. Speaking about flowers, Mario's also got the Mix Flower, where he throws various fireballs into the air, which then form a massive orb of fire, that drops down onto the enemies before imploding. '''Boomstick: So, let's take a list of power-ups, shouldn't we ? There's the Hammer Suit which allows Mario to chuck hammers, the Boomerang Flower whichb is essentially the same but with boomerangs and the Blue Shell that Mario can hide in and use to ram enemies. Wiz: There's also the forgotten Superball Flower which allows Mario to to throw superballs which bounce off surfaces, destroy enemies and collect coins. With the Penguin Suit, Mario can slide over the ground, throw bouncing orbs of ice that freeze enemies and has increased swimming potency. Boomstick: Unfortunately, the ill-fated Superball Flower wasn't the only power-up in the plumber's weapon wardrobe to never return or be remembered. The same fate applied to the Red Star, which is super powerful as it allows Mario to fly freely without limits. Oh boy, what a shame. Wiz: With the Boo Mushroom, Mario can phase through walls and fly, but is weak to light. He basically turns into a Bo- Boomstick: WHO YOU GONNA-''' Wiz: NO! (A shotgun can be heard going off. Silence arises until Wiz resumes the analysis) Wiz: Moving on, the Rock Mushroom allows Mario to roll forwards in a giant rock. Yet another obscure power-up is the Carrot, which boosts Mario's jumping capabilities and allows him to hover through the air and descend (Wiz's voice is slowed down and highly distorted) vvvvvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyy ssssssssssslllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwlllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy, ssssssssssssssoooooooooooooooo ssssssssssssssslllllllllllow thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu'ddddddddddddddd beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecoooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmmmmmmeeeeee boooooooooooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddd aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefffffffffffffffffffffff- '''Boomstick: STOP IT! You're driving me nuts. Jesus fucking Christ. Wiz: .... W-Where did you j-just come from? Boomstick: Oh, from the pub. ...Hey, where did my clone go? Wiz: Oh, FUCK. Uhhh, anyways, there's also the f-far more well-known Cape Feather, which allows Mario to fly, glide, divebomb and spin his cloak to attack. Boomstick: Using the Cloud Flower, Mario can create platforms to stand on, albeit only three before he has to get 'mself 'nother one. Wiz: There are two types of Ice Flower, but since Mario already has the Penguin Suiy to toss iceballs, we'll just cover the Galaxy one, which makes Mario able to freeze any surface and liquid by contact and one-shot basic enemies. Oh, and he's invincible. There's the Power Balloon which inflates Mario so much that he can fly. Boomstick: And haven't reached the end by a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG shot. ''' Wiz: Mario also has other weapons, like the hammer, F.L.U.D.D. and the Cannon Box. F.L.U.D.D. acts like a jetpack and water cannon while the Cannon Box shoots cannonballs. '''Boomstick: The Spin Drill allows Mario to drill through any surface. There are two types of Shellmets, shels that Mario can wear on his head; the Buzzy Beetle Shell bounces everything that falls on it. The Spiny Shellmet destroys blocks and kills enemies. Wiz: And then, there's Mario's most powerful item: The Rainbow Star, which makes him literally untouchable and kills enemies. However, just like the Ice Flower, it has a time limit. Boomstick: Other than this, pyrokinesis and superhuman strength, Mario has some sort of weird energy attack only ever seen in one Mario Party game and the sports games. He can project energy and forge a hockey stick-like weapon with it. Wiz: Yeah, Mario has some pretty big feats, like stopping Bowser on a daily basis, taking down universal threats, breaking bricks with his fists daily, jumping at a height culated to be 27.432 above off ground in 80.46720 kilometers per hour - which means Mario is 93 times from the ground in the air and back down - and casually lifting and punting Larry's castle which one hand and kicking it into the air. However, Mario is not without his faults. Boomstick: Most of his power-ups have a time limit or disappear if he takes too much damage. Wiz: Mario also rarely displays any real intelligence or strategy - in fact, Mario is almost always portrayed as having below average intelligence, and taking quick assumptions. He also fails to protect Peach from getting kidnapped and then he's got to save her. Makes sense, huh? Instead of outright preventing Bowser from taking her, he just waits until she gets stolen and only then does he actually fucking do at least something. RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT... Mario: Oh yeah! Mario Time! 'Bomberman' Boomstick: Get yo' spacesuits kids, and step aboard the Millenium Falcon, 'cause we're going to space. Space Core: SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE! Boomstick: Along with our annoying cute little companion, the Space Core. To a planet named... Planet Bomber. That's just about the worst planet name I've ever heard. Wiz: It's not like it gets much better unfortunately... because it's inhabitants are named Bombermen, and its prime representative is called... well... Bomberman. (shows the popular black-and-white GIF of people clapping) Boomstick: Ugh... anyways, the guy's real name is Shiro Bom - Shirobon on occasion - and he's 10 years old... well, anything is better than SammyClassicSonicFan. Ugh, the horrors... SammyClassicSonicFan: WHITE SONIC! Wiz: Shiro's backstory differs per game, such as being a bionic human-wannabe in the first games, a robot in Super Bomberman R and eh, y'know... Act Zero... (clears throat) Back to the point, we'll be using the foremost background for this fight. Boomstick: Once, there was an intergalactic police force, named the Jetters, led by Mighty, Shiro's brother. But one day, Mighty disappeared while on a mission. He was presumed deceased and this was later confirmed when the truth came, the truth that he was killed during that one task he was carrying out. Wiz: Poor Shiro. The Bomber offered to take his brother's spot and was accepted into the Jetters, taken in by Dr. Ein. Whilst initially not taken seriously, Shiro got more and more respect from the other members as time went on. Boomstick: Bomberman devotes himself to save the planet, galaxy or even entire universe from peril. His primary means of stopping evil are bombs. If you didn't know that, I'd say you've been living under a rock. A giant rock. One the size of the Sun. Wiz: Bomberman possesses pretty insane strength. He can throw bombs thousands of feet into the air and even lift a volcano-sized bomb once. Boomstick: He can seemingly move around freely in the gravitational pulls of black holes and he casually outruns boulders and explosions. Wiz: He was once blasted out of a space station and into the atmosphere, yet he was fine. He was once inflated and popped, yet he survived. Boomstick: Bomberman is able to summon bombs out of thin air. He can pump 'em up for more range and damage and they can have two different types of explosions: Cross-shaped and spherical. Wiz: There's tons of other bombs this guy has. Like, almost as much as Mario has Power-Ups. There's the Fire Bomb, which creates a row of fire. The Navarm Bomb spreads magma over the place. Boomstick: There's the Pierce Bomb, which goes through walls. The Thunder Bomb, which shoots out electricity and the Water Bomb which releases water. Wiz: The Remote Bomb can be detonated whenever Shiro feels like it. Rubber Bombs bounce when thrown and the Ice Bombs freeze enemies cold. Boomstick: I want that Ice Bomb. Right now. Wiz: Boomstick, don't bring up your plans to do shit to your ex-wife again. These things aren't real anyways. Boomstick: Soon enough, they will be, for as I'm gonna create a giant, epic, badass, super spooky scary reality warping machine that'll make fiction real! Mwahaha! Wiz: Says the man who can't even properly make a soda volcano even after a total of 695 attempts. Boomstick: Shut up, Wiz! You're ruining my reputation! The viewers don't have to know! Wiz: I already said that on Facebook years ago. Boomstick: ...! Wiz: And Twitter. And Tumblr. And Instagram. And FANDOM powered by Wikia. And Hives. And Netlog. (Boomstick starts panicking as Wiz goes on with the list) And 4Chan. And Amino. And Myspace. And Google+. And Mastodon. And Bebo. And Qzone. And- Boomstick: STOP! I can't handle it anymore. You win. Please, remove those messages, I beg of you! Wiz: All right, that'll be 800 bucks. Boomstick: ... Wiz: Anyways, on with the bio. The Wind Bomb sends out gusts of wind that blows enemies away. The Mine Bomb is essentially just a landmine. Boomstick: The Light Bomb creates a burst of light as well as stopping time in the center of its blast radius. Wiz: One of Shiro's sneakiest bombs is the Bait Bomb, which lures enemies towards it, essentially forcing suicide. The Skull Bomb will either slow enemies down or freeze them entirely. There's the RC Bomb, which Bomberman can control remotely. Boomstick: There's also the Tracing Bomb and the Homing Bomb, which follow enemies around, then 'splode. We're almost there. Wiz: The Gravity Bomb creates a miniature black hole to suck enemies in. And lastly, the Dangerous Bomb. Three words: INSANE BLAST RADIUS. Seriously, don't underestimate it. Boomstick: For Shiro's Power-Ups, he has the Rocket which allows him to fly through the air. The Line Bomb copies bombs into a collection of four bombs. The Shield is... well, basically a shield, and the Vest makes Bomberman invibcible. Lastly, the Clock freezes time but lets Bomberman walk through it normally. Wiz: Bomberman is also assisted by the Rooeys or Louies, and the Tirras. There's several types of them. The Green Rooeys run insanely fast, for example, and the Brown one can conjure bombs just like Shiro - the rest of the Louies have basal abilities that don't actually do much in combat. Boomstick: The Blue Tirra is faster than the Green Rooey, but can't jump very high. The Yellow Tirra can stun enemies by roaring. The rest is the same as the Rooeys. Wiz: Now for the feats! These range from blowing up a planet, stalemated the creator of his universe, defeated countless galactic threats and saved the Jetters from many, many threats. Boomstick: But Bomberman isn't perfect. He's young, naive and sometimes inexperienced, and he isn't immune to his own bombs. Nor is he ment for close combat. Wiz: Doesn't take away, however, that Bomberman is one of the greatest mascots known to gaming, and definitely a formidable foe. Bomberman: I did it! 'Intermission' Wiz: All right, the combatants are set. It's time to end this debate once and for all. Boomstick: It's time for a DEATH BATTLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! 'DEATH BATTLE!' Toad town, January 18, 2021, 15:13:38 ‘twas a beautiful day in the Mushroom Kingdom. Couldn’t be better. Mario was just strolling about. It’s been literal weeks since Bowser attacked. Makes sense, since the Koopa King had gone on vacation to the beach along with Bowser Jr. and the Koopalings. A very boring day it was. A heat wave had just hit the Mushroom Kingdom. Peach and pretty much all the Toads were having a siesta, except for Toadsworth, the guy went to take some errands. Luigi had gone fishing with E. Gadd and as we all (don’t) know, Mario highly dislikes fishing, so he was all alone for the next hours. “What a boring day!”, Mario said to himself. A tumbleweed rolled by as Mario looked around to see if anything was going on. Then… he saw something. Mario went over to that spot and saw a mysterious white figure blowing up the wall of a fortress. “Hey-a ! What are you doing?!”, Mario shouted. The figure turned around. “WHY ARE YOU BLOWING UP THAT FORTRESS?!” The figure started to talk. “I’m Bomberman and I’m looking for Sirius. He has stolen the Omni Cube, a powerful and deadly artefact that can-“ “Do you know you-a suck at lying, you vandal?!”Mario said. “I’m not-“ was all Bomberman could say before a fireball just barely missed him. “Excuse me, but I think you may be wrongly interpreting my act-“ was, once again, all Bomberman could say before Mario jumped at him with his hammer in his hand. The White Bomber rolled out of the way. “All right then… I see there’s not much else I can do at this moment…” Mario turned around. “…but give to you what you apparently really desire at this point.” With the final quote having passed, Bomberman prepares himself for battle as well. FIGHT! Mario opened the fight by jumping high into the air and landing on Bomberman. Before he could react, Mario jumped up and performed a ground pound. This time though, Bomberman jumped out of the way. Bomberman pulled out a couple bombs and threw ‘em at Mario. The bombs exploded as Mario screamed in pain. “Perhaps I should’ve done this a while earlier…”, Bomberman said as he walked away. Then, however, Bomberman noticed a ball going diagonally upwards. “What the…” The ball continued to move upwards until it hit a Question Block and started moving diagonally downwards. Bomberman was in its path. The Bomber simply walked out of the way, after which the ball once again ricocheted off the ground. Bomberman focused his attention to the apparently still living Mario, who had equipped the superball flower. “Pretty pathetic, those balls you just threw. How about this?”, Bomberman taunted, before throwing another bomb. Mario pirouetted to the left and celebrated his outsmarting of Bomberman. “Oh yeah, Imma numb-“ BOOM. Mario was hit anyways; only now did he realize the bomb had exploded in the shape of a “+”. Mario retaliated by pulling out his hammer and jumping at Bomberman, swinging his hammer at him. Bomberman held his hands in front of his face, blocking most of the strikes before kicking Mario backwards. Mario shoots a couple fireballs at the bomber, but Bomberman kicks a bomb through one of them before jumping away. The fireballs sets the fuse on fire. Mario pulls out his hammer once again and whacks it back to where it came from. Only Bomberman wasn’t there. Mario scratched his head in confusion. Then, he noticed something coming in his direction. ‘twas Bomberman once again, but now riding a Rooey and zooming at Mario at a very fast rate. Before the plumber could react, he was constantly hit over and over and over again, until he smashed the Rooey away with his hammer. Mario then equipped the Blue Shell and began charging at Bomberman. “You’ve got a lot up your sleeve. But so do I.” Bomberman jumped out of the way once again. Mario bounced off a block and zoomed the other way before coming to an abrupt stop upon noticing Bomberman was no longer in his path. But he did hear a ticking sound on his back. Mario looked around attempting to see Bomberman, until he found him… with a detonator in hand. Before Mario got the chance to realize a bomb had been planted on his back, it exploded and launched Mario into Bomberman, who punched him away. Mario got up and turned to Bomberman, who had his arms crossed and looked pretty pissed off. “Look, we can end this now.” Then Mario equipped the Boomerang Flower and chucked a couple boomerangs at Bomberman. “Or we can do it the hard way, if you’d prefer.” Bomberman was hit by one of them, but dodged the second one. Bomberman then pulled out a very, very, very large bomb. “Like this hard way.” Bomberman, now equipped with the Dangerous Bomb, jumped up and threw the bomb right in front of Mario’s feet. “There. Enjoy.” The bomb exploded and Mario was launched backwards, after which Bomberman followed with a Flack Bomb, which once again sent Mario flyin’. Bomberman then threw a Speed Bomb, which at first seemed to overwhelm Mario with its speed, until the plumber grabbed the bomb and threw it back like a boss. Bomberman punched the bomb into Mario’s direction again and this went on for a while until Mario jumped up, tired of constantly blocking it. The bomb explodes but nothing happens. Mario then pulls out the Cannon Box and fires cannonballs at Bomberman, but he throws a bomb into the cannon. Mario quickly throws it into Bomberman, who gets struck with the blast of his own bomb. With Bomberman stunned, Mario snags the opportunity to pull out a Smash Ball and shoot the Mario Finale at the white hero. However, Bomberman recovers just in time to fly upwards with the Rocket and pelt Mario with more bombs before flying off. Mario whacks the bombs away. But where’s Bomberman? Oh, there he is. Riding a Yellow Tirra. Mario pulled out the Mega Mushroom and start running at Bomberman. However, the Tirra roared, stunning Mario and causing him to drop the Mega Mushroom, causing him to revert to normal. “Y’know, you’re spending all your energy fighting while it’s not even worth it.” Bomberman then throws a Water Bomb, the flood of water flushing the plumber backwards. But Mario doesn’t give up so quickly. Mario pulls out the Penguin Suit and throws an ice ball at the water, which freezes. Bomberman throws more bombs, but Mario chucks another one, freezing the bomb. He then throws an ice ball at Bomberman’s legs. Now unable to walk, Bomberman can only watch as Penguin Mario slides across the ground, dashing into his direction at full speed… Is it over? Will the hit be fatal? .... No. Because Bomberman used the rocket once again to fly upwards, avoiding Mario as the fire from the rocket melts the ice. Phew. That was close. But Mario hasn’t surrendered and now duplicates himself five times with the Double Cherry. Send in the clones, guys! Too bad Bomberman blows at least three of the six Mario to smithereens with a couple bombs. The remaining Marios all equip Frog Suits and try to jump on Bomberman, but a Thunder Bomb is all it takes to destroy the other two clones and injure the real one, also blowing his power-up into pieces. Bomberman pulls out an RC Bomb and directs it at Mario, only the plumber jumps out of the way when it explodes. Then, Bomberman threw an incendiary bomb, but using F.L.U.D.D., Mario sprays out the fire, then flies up and attempts to land on Bomberman. When the White Bomber runs off, Mario instead gets himself a Tanooki Leaf to land safely and deflect one of Bomberman’s bombs with his tail. Now it was time to get serious. With the Spin Drill in hand, Mario drills downwards and tries to hit Bomberman. “And the fight is still going on…”, Bomberman said. He then flies up with the rocket and throws a bomb downwards, blowing up the Spin Drill as soon as it surfaces. Mario was running out of power-ups and he knew it. That’s why it was time for the Rainbow Star to make its entrance. As soon as Bomberman landed, Mario started rushing at Bomberman and made contact… then we see how Bomberman had equipped the Vest prior, therefore resisting Mario’s invincibility with his own. Both powerups ran out, leading Mario to jump backwards, equip the Hammer Suit and throw some hammers at Bomberman, who got hit several times before punching the last one away. Bomberman threw another bomb at Mario, but the plumber hid in his shell. All the bomb did was blowing him backwards in his shell. Taking the opportunity, Bomberman threw a Gravity Bomb behind Mario, who was getting sucked into the black hole that was formed. Mario swiftly equipped the Cape Feather and started running while getting sucked in, therefore easily allowing him to fly up until the black hole closed, and then divebombed behind Bomberman, but he jumped up to avoid the shockwave. Mario looked at Bomberman, who held his arms crossed and… simply idled. “Guess what I’ve got for you.” This wasn’t right… and only then Mario heard the ticking sound of the hidden Remote Bomb that was planted behind him. “I’m sorry…”, Bomberman said as he detonated the bomb. BOOM. Bomberman was flung a l’il backwards, but was fine. Mario wasn’t. His entire lower body was obliterated, as was his left arm. As a last resort, Mario equipped the Propeller Mushroom and flew at Bomberman in a straight line, attempting to shred him with his propeller. But Bomberman was prepared for the nigh unpredictable Mario and already had a bomb planted behind himself, then jumped to the left. Mario saw it, but he was flying too fast in order to stop. The bomb exploded and sent Mario flying upwards. Bomberman then threw a Navarm Bomb into the air as the finisher. “Really… I’m sorry…” Bomberman said, before the bomb finally stopped going upwards, a little above Mario. The bomb exploded and sent a wave of lava dropping onto the plumber. Mario screamed in pain as he was molten into liquid. Mario’s fluid remains then fell downwards, turning into vapor as it fell. Bomberman then walked off, ready to find Sirius. KO! Bomberman is seen chasing Sirius, who has the Omni Cube, as a shrine is built for Mario in the meantime. 'Conclusion' Boomstick: BOOM. Wiz: While this fight may have looked pretty close at first, this soon became pretty one-sided in Bomberman’s favour. Even though Mario’s arsenal proved to be a big challenge for the bomber, the latter was perfectly capable of countering it with his own - including the Vest against the Rainbow Star - and even took the speed advantage with his Rooeys. Boomstick: Not to mention that Bomberman’s insane feats put him leagues above Mario. Bomberman destroyed an entire planet, tanked a planet sized explosion, blew up a mountain, survives being inflated and popped, had nothing after being blasted into a planet from a space station, killed the god that created the universe and is far superior to Regulus, who destroyed multiple galaxies AND en entire dimension by hitting the Omni Cube. The list goes on. And while Mario lifted and kicked a castle with one hand, Bomberman lifted a volcano sized bomb and threw it with one hand. Shiro also escaped black holes from beyond the event horizon... no, really. Wiz: Also, Mario lacked defense against Bomberman's stronger weaponry, like the Clock, the Bait Bomb, the Gravity Bomb and the Tracing and Homing Bombs. To make matters worse for Mario, Bomberman has shown a very high intellect and potent strategies whereas Mario, aside from his doctorate, is usually portrayed as a complete idiot. In the end, while it may take a while for Bomberman to kill Mario, he eventually would, no matter what. The single thing Mario could do was to delay his unavoidable death. Boomstick: Bomberman must’ve definitely had a blast making Mario go out with a bang. Wiz: The winner is Bomberman. 'Polls' 'Pre-Battle' Who do you want to win ? Mario Bomberman Who do you think will win ? Mario Bomberman 'After Completion' Who were you rooting for/did you think would win? Rooting and betting Mario Rooting Mario, betting Bomberman Rooting and betting Bomberman Rooting Bomberman, betting Mario Rooting neither, betting Mario Rooting neither, betting Bomberman Unsure Do you agree with the results? Yes No Unsure Did you enjoy the fight? It was amazing It was great It was good It was mediocre It was meh It was bad It was horrendous Did the outcome surprise you? Yes No 'Next Time' FORGOTTEN... I am the great Wart. Ha ha ha! And still not in Smash Bros. yet... Fools! While I watch you cower, this is my finest hour. Bait you on my hook, just like a worm! Before I crush you like a bug, come over here and give me a hug. It gives me so much joy to watch you squirm! Wart VS K. Rool Category:What-If? 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